Third time! This time though, it's not as personal but a lot more complicated.
So I'm a big part of the Transformation/TF part of the fandom, a largely fetishized group with some very unique art. While I have yet to contribute, I have hit a small snag that bugs me. I knew this artist, we'll call them Carlos, who was a moderately decent artist with some glaring flaws and almost no following. He came across very abrasive and rash, which may have pushed people away. I got to know him and he was the same with me but seemed like a good guy. But then he dropped a major bomb. There's another artist in the TF world, let's say she's...Joan. So I met Joan first and she is CRAZY popular, bursting onto the scene of TF by saying she needed money for a pet's surgery. Her fame skyrocketed with her clean art and tfs, albeit more on dA than FA. And it was through her, or him, that they revealed themselves to be the same person. So this mediocre male artist created an account to be a female artist with sympathy fans, and the same kinda mediocre anatomically incorrect art, but had done so in such a way to build up a massive following. Through this lie they amassed tons of fans and money, and nobody knows about this other than me. This female persona had a very specific niche for tf, let's say she only did Foxes. And she was very strict about doing anything not fox related, and having a list of fox species for people to pay and pick for their tf. But then for some reason, perhaps nobody else wanted foxes, she bails on this and accepts all animals out of the blue. For no reason other than more money. Then his normal male account posts a journal about getting tired of doing tf and I respond, saying that they might lose some fans if they drop tf altogether, but then they get all defensive at me, saying I'm the reason they quit skype, saying that dirty art is impure and filth among other things. The journal also insulted the furry community, calling it an emo ridden group of losers and just a horrible journal of horrible hate. It was so vile...he was dwelling on the clean days of tf but everything is dirty, nothing is ever 100% clean. It's not like it just started becoming naughty in the last 2 months. Oddly, when we had chatted during skype and I expressed some disinterest in this person's affinity for chiptune and foxes, they freaked out at me. That may have been the downfall of our relationship. Then, I blocked the male account because I was sick of being harassed by this liar and manipulator...but then I should check my messages a few hours later and find a note from the female account asking to talk things out. I ignored the note for a day cause I didn't wanna bother, but then when I decide maybe to give it a shot, guess what? She/He had blocked ME now! Here's what she sent me: “So lets talk like actual adults before anonymity on the internet. Clearly you're upset, clearly I misspoke, a lot of it lacks context, and I think that lead to a lot of wacky insults and mudslinging. “So if you'd like to actually hear why I feel the way I do, with details, instead of assuming I'm a run of the mill miserite troll scapegoating a community that does not deserve it. “And hey perhaps you could convince me otherwise but either way our last discussion was clearly some old salt in the wounds. Lets say we can heal like logical reasonable human beings?” And so I can normally just block and remove a person from my life right? But this person works in the same vein of tf that I like and draw for, so every time I see their icon or name I just get knots in my stomach. I have a problem forgetting things and it's especially tough when I see their name everywhere. My final question is this; How can I move on and not be so bitter? Sure we both said some things, but the hastiness of the blocking and the inability to accept each other's opinions, but was it just a doomed friendship? Or is it just a moral sensor going off in my brain whenever I see the people she's/he's duped on their account praising this liar? Should I expose them? Clearly they won't leave the tf community when they have so much money coming in from selling out their ideals by taking other species, so I'm at a real crossroads. Thanks a lot Papa! From your favorite Malayan Civet (since I'm the only one in the fandom lol), Cassidy~! (age 17) * * * Hi, Cassidy, The Internet is such fertile ground for drama, isn’t it? And the online furry community is certainly no exception. Whenever I get a letter such as yours, Papabear listens to his gut, which always tells me one of two things: either there is more going on here than meets the eye, or I’m hungry. If I’m hungry, I eat, and then get back to the problem, which is this.... Carlos/Joan (hereafter CJ) has some serious issues going on with him/her. These are emotional and possibly psychological problems that you likely know nothing about. You only know what CJ posts and chats with you about, and that’s it. When something upsets CJ s/he lashes out and acts somewhat irrationally. Joan seems to be the slightly more rational side, while Carlos the more fiery, defensive, and angry side. CJ may be bipolar or have cyclothymia or bipolar disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Sufferers of these illnesses go from depressed states to high states to various degrees and frequencies depending on the type of problem. Another possibility is some form of autism, such as Asperger’s, which can cause someone to overreact or react inappropriately in social situations (and become hypersensitive to any kind of criticism). This would explain the reactions to comments about his/her TF work and about the TF art community in general. One of the more difficult interactions in any community is to express empathy and to show compassion and support to someone you just met online who appears to be a mean person. It’s hard because you can’t usually tell if they are that way because they are troubled or if they are just mean by nature. What Papabear usually tries to do (not always because some people are so unbalanced that I just hope they see a doctor, but I can’t afford the time to deal with their many problems), is first assume that someone is that way because they are unhappy. Then, instead of criticizing them, I ask them if they need a shoulder to lean on and a sympathetic ear. I certainly would not criticize something like their artistic skills and, instead, would encourage their desire to draw and express themselves (a very healthy activity). Even if they are poor artists now, with encouragement, they could improve. (If people criticized me harshly for my piano playing, I would be sad and would stop trying, but they are encouraging me and that is why I am slowly improving). I wouldn’t bother to “out” CJ as being duplicitous (and you’re probably incorrect in assuming you’re the only one who knows s/he has two online profiles). It’s not illegal and it’s really none of your business (are you jealous that Joan has seen some success because she is really Carlos? Perhaps Carlos is actually Joan? Who knows? Who cares?) Many artists get commissions, I’ve noticed, especially among furries, by pleading they need help financially for something. It’s a way of supporting people. Perhaps it’s a bit disingenuous, but it’s called feeling some sympathy toward others. I always look at it as a “there but for the Grace of God go I” phenomenon. What if I were not so lucky as to have a job and a home and a family? Wouldn’t I cry out for help, too? I would. I’d be asking you to buy my books, even if the books didn’t interest you or you thought they stank up the place. I believe what you are experiencing with CJ is the cacophony of a cry for help. It can hurt the ears, indeed, but one way to alleviate it may be to give them a big hug, some tea and sympathy. Hope that helps, Papabear
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Dear Papa Bear,
I've written to you once before for advice, and you'll be glad to know it helped a great deal. I've found a small hobby in perler beads to help pass time and build my confidence while I slowly learn how to sew. I've also discovered that, even if I'm not the kind of successful the world wants me to be, I'll still be so if I'm just happy with what I'm doing and how I'm living. I currently have a job at Wawa, which is close enough for me to walk or bike to, so I can get some exercise in my daily life. I also built a brand new PC, have some money to spare for having fun every so often, and good friends. There is even a very sweet man who loves me (and will never let me forget it). Overall, I'd say things are going well. However, I find that following these pursuits is difficult. My usual routine involves what I know to be too much time on said PC and not enough on other interests. I believe part of the issue is me working second shift, which is often early afternoon to late night, often getting home around 11pm or midnight. When I visit my friends, it's often for the sake of playing games, largely because our D&D sessions have stalled. (They were a nice change of pace from video gaming.) I enjoy my time with the beads though, and don't worry about any of your 5 “les facteurs de merde” when making objects. It's just fun. Strangely, I specifically wanted to do these things, and never act upon that desire when I end up with the tools/materials necessary. After buying a $70 sewing machine, it's been sitting and collecting dust and scraps of material. I've largely attributed said failure to follow my words to my parents and their failure to instill the drive to succeed in me. But am I wrong, and looking for a scapegoat for my own laziness? To boil it all down, how can I break this addiction and focus more on the other things I enjoy, as well as caring for myself? Apologies for such a long-winded question, and thank you for taking the time to read through it all. Vince * * * Hi, Vince, I’m glad life is improving for you and that you’re having fun with beading. Perhaps you have moved beyond les facteurs de merde, but you have still been practicing avoidance techniques. One avoidance technique is to fill your time with other activities unrelated to what you believe you wish to do, and then, voilá, you conveniently have no time left to do that thing. This is the case with your playing games with friends and then not having time left for sewing (are you trying to make fursuits?). Another avoidance technique is to buy lots of stuff related to that goal without actually doing the activity itself. I see this with “writers” a lot. Buying books on how to write, buying a new laptop, etc. I’m guilty of it, too, to the point where I once flew to the Maui Writers’ Conference (really fun! but I didn’t write a damn thing while I was there!) as an elaborate way not to actually get the novel done. In my previous letter to you I advised you to find a mentor or mentors to help encourage you. Have you tried that? It really helps to have people around you who urge you to pursue your creative activity (this is why I pay for piano lessons; if I didn’t have the routine of taking lessons and having an encouraging teacher, my keyboard would probably gather dust in a corner of my office.) If you just need to break the gaming habit, I can refer you to this column about gaming addiction. The other thing is to stop blaming others: don’t blame your parents for not instilling in you a drive to succeed, don’t blame friends for making you want to play games with them, don’t blame a bad work schedule, and don’t blame anyone else. This is on you. Only you can sit down and do the activity you supposedly wish to do. But I can offer you a little trick that might help: create a reward system for yourself. My personal reward system actually depends on others: when I get a thank you letter (or a nice comment like yours at the beginning of your letter) it gives me a rush that makes me not only want to write more columns but increases my enjoyment of doing it. With crafty projects, such as beading, your reward system could be to give finish projects as impromptu gifts to friends and family and then see their eyes light up at the unexpected present. Or, on the somewhat more selfish side, when you finish a project or a milestone of a larger project, buy yourself a little treat, or, perhaps, take a photo of the item you made and post it on a social media site and read the comments from friends. These are called “positive reinforcement” techniques (I don’t recommend negative reinforcement here—ack). Finally, try to adjust your attitude from negative to the positive (this relates to les facteurs de merde). Again with my piano, when I see myself making progress and getting better, I get more optimistic and this makes me enjoy practice a lot more. I’m guessing that with beading there are certain levels of the craft, too: some beading skills are more complicated and difficult to master, yes? Urge yourself to take your craft to the next level, and then, when you reach that new level of skill, your heart will fill with the pride of accomplishment and this will really drive you to do it more. It’s kind of like a runner’s high. When someone starts running for fitness, it can be very difficult, tedious, discouraging. But, after doing it for a while, you will push through a wall and suddenly it becomes a joy to run (for a lot of people—I, personally, hate running LOL)! You already enjoy beading, but you can increase this joy by challenging yourself to become a master of the craft. Remember, of course, to always do this for your own personal satisfaction. Good Luck! Papabear Hi Papa Bear, hope you are doing well and thank you for reading this question. I have been in a bit of a funk recently and have been clinging to Skype and FurAffinity to help get me through the day these past few weeks.
I have been trying to write and find inspiration these past few weeks. However, each time I see or try to write a new story I get a pang of doubt or jealousy for some reason and spend the afternoon languishing about being grumpy/sad. Do you have any suggestions for clearing my head and find inspiration? Trentonfoxbear * * * Dear Trentonfoxbear, All writers go through what you’re feeling right now, mostly due to self doubt (thinking everything you write isn’t good enough), and sometimes due to writer’s block (simply no ideas come to mind). The first thing you need to do is explore your motivation: why do you want to write. Which of the following describes you?
If you answered 1, 2, or 4, put away your computer right now and abandon all hope ye who enter here, because you are writing for the wrong reasons. Go pursue some other interest. If, however, you chose 3 or 5, then we may continue. Papabear’s main reason for writing these days is #3. It is for that reason that I write a column 4-7 times a week, and I would do more except my workaday job often wears me out (and sometimes I just run out of letters, or have a lot of people wanting me not to publish their letters). If your answer is 3, as well, then jump-start your creative process by imagining people reading your stuff and the smiles it will produce on their faces. You can do this through the process of meditation. Reconnect to your original reason for writing by contemplating your pure motivation. You want to make others happy and inspire them. Therefore, it really doesn’t matter if, sometimes, your writing might be a bit clunky; the important thing is to get your message across, what you want to convey. What is your message? What are you trying to say? Reconnect to that, and it will get you going again. Note! And this is very important! You are not writing for approval of your readers; this implies you want some positive feedback and recognition (#4). No, you are writing for them in an unselfish process of giving to your audience without expecting anything in return, including any acknowledgment. If you chose #5, then it seems you have gotten a bit off track because you’re not enjoying writing at the moment. To get back to writing, do the following:
Hope this helps! Good luck! And keep writing! Papabear Hi, Papabear.
I am currently going through an issue with unrequited friendship. This all began when I started watching an art streamer back in 2011. I gradually became a regular attendee of that person's streams, but I stopped attending in March of this year. The reason for that is because, for quite some time, I wanted to be friends with that person, since we both had a couple things in common. 4 years until now, I had not even gone close to being good friends with that person, and when I asked to add the latter on Skype, it was kindly refused, which I respected. The next few days, I apologized to the person for making him/her uncomfortable by asking to have them on Skype. One reply from that person had such hurtful words, words that gave out a very harsh truth. Within a few days, still upset, I stopped attending that art person's streams and I regrettably ended up unwatching that person on FA to avoid being reminded of the pain caused. What have I done to bring this upon me? If I made mistakes in the past, when attending the streams, couldn't they be easily fixed, along with me being fully and warmly forgiven? And from what has happened to me, what should I say to give that person peace of mind, even though we couldn't be friends? Danny Prower (age 24) * * * Dear Danny, Sometimes in life we must learn to accept that some people do not wish to be friends with us. It could be for any number of reasons, and it would be too difficult for me to speculate accurately in this case. After you asked the artist to Skype the first time, he “kindly” refused, as you said. The problem then became you couldn’t take “No” for an answer and, once again, asked him to Skype with you. While the artist probably acted too harshly here, it’s clear at this point you were annoying him (or her). Asking the artist the second time was too forward on your part. This person, whoever he or she is, obviously is not looking for groupies (probably had some bad experiences with them in the past, and you’re probably reminding them of that), or, perhaps, even friends. Now you want to ask this person yet again to be friends? Bad idea. REALLY bad idea. Don’t do it, OK? You probably aren’t aware of this, but you are now entering the danger zone of becoming a drama queen, and that’s something few people really enjoy being around. Don’t take the rejection so personally, hon. I know, that’s hard to do, but the reality of it is probably that the artist really has no interest in making new friends and/or doesn’t think you have much in common and/or just feels you are going to bug him/her about art. I’m not saying this is a good thing for the artist to do, and I am not justifying the artist’s actions. When it comes to a professional level (a level often not achieved by many furry artists, many of whom have a lot of talent but little business sense, in my experience), the proper way for this person to respond would be this (are you reading this, commissioning furry artists?): “Thank you for your offer of friendship. I really appreciate that you enjoy my work! I would like to invite you to join my email list [insert link here] or follow me on Facebook [or some such social media site of choice], so that you can get the latest about where I will be to sign art and how you can get commissions done. Thanks again for being a fan!” That’s how this artist should have approached it (unless, of course, she or he was truly interested in being friends; in which case, that would be a no-brainer as to how to proceed). In this way, the artist doesn't "reject" you, doesn't lose you as a possible customer, and yet doesn't get too friendly with you and keeps you at arm's reach. As for you, you need to not take this personally. Imagine, for example, if you saw that J. K. Rowling was having an online chat, and you popped in and demanded to be her Skype buddy. Would you think it out of line if she told you “No, thank you”? Of course not. Same thing here. Now, this artist is no Rowling, but it’s still overly insistent of you to push a friendship like that. Stop dwelling on this and learn to take “No” for an answer without being oversensitive about it. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there who would be happy to be your friend, so why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t? Friendly Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
It's been a while since I wrote you. Thanks again for your patience with me back then. I still like to come back to your site since you always give great advice and things to think about. However in one of your last letters you said something that keeps bugging me: http://www.askpapabear.com/letters/hes-frustrated-and-angered-by-humans “I think that a lot of furries get it (which is why it bothers me that too many of them anesthetize their brains with obsessive game play; some gaming is fine, but too much is a trap and a waste of life, and it also plays into the hands of the corporations seeking to suck people dry of their money).” While I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it like that, to me it sounds like you were trying to say: „I think video games serve no purpose and keep mankind from evolving.“ That's why I wanted to give my opinion on that topic. Are video games a waste of time? Yes, they are. Just like watching football games, going to cons, playing board games, drawing/writing without charging any money or reading books without any productive content. While all of these things sure are fun and might bring people together (just like video games), they don't serve any actual purpose except to kill time and to escape reality. We humans simply have too much time to spend after all. Video games CAN cause addiction, that is true, just like many other things. But the definition of video game addiction is still pretty vague. For example there are people who play four hours a day and are not classified as addicts. Most of those people have some other problems which they try to escape, but the games are not the source of these problems. If there were no video games in this world these people would find another way to anesthetize themselves. Yes I know, there are always exceptions, but saying video games keep us from evolving is like saying shooter games are the cause of homicides (which has been disproved many times already, but people still tend to think so). Are video games sucking people dry on their money? Unfortunately that has become very true over the last few years, many game companies have stopped caring about the quality and only care about the profit, especially companies like EA. That's why most of my video games are indie titles, games by people who actually work together with their communities and care about their work. What do I personally think video games are? I think they are an art form. Many game publishers, especially the independent ones, have proven that games can be as a matter of fact very fine art. Just take a look at „The Vanishing of Ethan Carter“, a game of such visual beauty that most triple-A publisher couldn't even hope to achieve. Or „Cry of Fear“, a game created by a 12 years old game engine, yet much more atmospheric than any horror movie I've ever watched. Yet media still likes to shame video games for being evil, simply because they keep people from consuming 'normal' media. (For example, I haven't been watching TV for years now.) The law still refuses to acknowledge video games as an art form, which is why many movies, comics etc. get away with thinks that get heavily censored in video games. For example, I live in Germany, and while there are tons of sh**ty movies showing the Hakenkreuz, in every video game it get's censored. In that letter of yours you said there will be some point in history where mankind needs to adopt to their natural roots. I totally agree with you on that, but that doesn't mean we will give up on most of our technical achievements. There are many new yet strange things that are still trying to fit into our society, and video games are sure to keep us company for a long time, AND to evolve with us, because they are our creations. Some time ago I read an article about the military using video game simulations for actual war simulation. That actually made me hope that some day governments will start to realize their wars over political and ethical disagreements only cause the death to millions of innocent lives, and instead will solve their fights via CounterStrike or Battlefield. I know that sounds dumb at first, but imagine this: Nation a) and Nation b) both want the control over a new discovered gold mine that lies exactly on their frontier. Nation a): “That mine is ours! Prepare for war!” Nation b): “Whoa whoa, wait! We are no barbarians, who are we to send our people to kill each other over our greed?” Nation a): “You're right. Then we challenge you to a game of CounterStrike!” And then their best players face each other on a neutral VAC-protected server. Admin: “That's it, Team b) wins!” Nation a): “Aaargh, they were totally cheating!” Admin: “No, they were not! We checked.” Nation a): “Okay, let's face it like gentlemen, you people won. Take the mine.” Sounds funny? Yes, but I honestly hope that some day in the future we will achieve something like that. Video games are not our enemy, they are what we want them to be. I know what you said in that letter was out of context, that's why I hope to hear your view on that subject. Kind regards and best wishes! Oh, and to your husband too. (Sorry for my grammar, I hope my letter is still readable) Hyperion * * * Dear Hyperion, Thank you for your letter, and I apologize if I wrote something that wasn’t clear. My position on video game play was, and is, and always has been, that playing games for recreation is fine, as long as it doesn’t dominate your life to the point of obsession. Play, as any psychologist will tell you, is healthy. It stimulates the mind and gives us a chance to relax from the daily stress of life, whether that is video gaming, watching a football game, or going to the theater. When does it become an addiction? You say there is no formal definition of that for video games, but actually there is: gaming becomes a problem when it interferes with your life and normal function in the world. I’ll give you an example. I attended Califur recently and met a friend of a friend there who said he refuses to play video games. When I asked him why, he explained that when he played his first game (I think it was Sonic), he sat down and played for 54 hours straight. When he finally set down the controller, he discovered that his job had called and fired him for not showing up. He felt he was too much of an addictive personality, therefore, to handle owning games. That is the perfect example of a problem. I have also known furries who obsess so much about games that they have a huge library of them and, meanwhile, neglect to pay bills or even eat. This is what I’m trying to warn people about. Another clear sign of addiction is if there are withdrawal symptoms should the addicting behavior be taken away. There was a recent study, for example, in which college students were asked to not use their cell phones for a week. Some were okay with that, while others reported experiencing definite symptoms of withdrawal, such as anxiety, nervousness, and, of course, a strong desire to get the cell phone back. I myself must admit that I'm a bit addicted to checking my messages and chatting on my phone or on my computer. In the letter to which you refer, I meant that playing video games for a big chunk of your life will mean you won’t have time to develop more important parts of your being, including the intellect and the spirit. When it comes to spiritual evolution, the question is this: at the end of your life, when you look back, will you consider your one chance to really live to have been well-spent if for most of the time you did nothing but play games, video or otherwise? Do you really believe we are put on Earth to press buttons and jerk joysticks frantically back and forth? Do we get a true sense of accomplishment from winning points on a screen or getting to the highest levels of an RPG? To comment on other things you wrote: yes, the military does, indeed, use video games—primarily, my understanding is, they have one that is used for recruiting and aptitude testing. About video games and art: it might interest you that there have been exhibits at art museums celebrating video games as art, such as this http://americanart.si.edu/exhibitions/archive/2012/games/ and here http://www.movingimage.us/, so, actually, video gaming is considered by many to be an art form, and I don’t disagree with that. As for the scenario about nations in the future battling it out on a screen: sounds nice, but I doubt that would ever happen. I’m reminded of the episode “A Taste of Armageddon” on the original Star Trek series in which two planets fought a war using computers. Whenever the simulation said that a populated area got hit, some people were declared dead and voluntarily killed themselves in disintegration machines. The idea was to have a war without destroying the culture, architecture, art, etc., of their civilizations, but people still died. Kirk quickly put an end to that (violating the Prime Directive, as he often did, the scamp), noting that war has to be ugly or else people get too used to it and it becomes an eternal state of conflict. Now, say we had something like what you suggest where the nations have a game brawl—the difference between this and the Star Trek episode is that people don’t die, which sounds better. So, the two countries have it out and one wins and the other loses. Guess what happens next? The country that loses says, “Okay, you win,” shakes hands, goes home, and launches a nuclear strike on the unsuspecting other country. Human nature is too aggressive to agree to fight without actually hurting someone (especially when the ones making the decisions don’t have to go to the war themselves). Furthermore, war isn’t just about power; it has now become about money. America’s policy in recent decades to bomb countries in the Middle East and Asia is designed to make companies like Exxon and Halliburton rich, and any pretense that we are somehow “defending freedom” is utter baloney; playing a video game to solve a political conflict isn’t going to make any company rich and, therefore, won’t work. Much as we try to deny it, we are animals and, indeed, in many ways worse than animals. Perhaps, one day, we will be able to solve differences without bombs and guns, but if we do it would be more likely an exercise in diplomacy, rather than gaming. I, for one, believe that it would probably take a worldwide threat to make us all come together out of necessity, such as one sees in the movies Independence Day and the brilliant Watchmen. Even better would be if we did evolve into a much more spiritual state and gave up all the things that lead to war, including nationalism, religion, materialism, and general hubris. Looking back over your letter, I didn’t really see a question, per se, so much as an objection to my original statement. I suppose the question was, “What is your full opinion about video gaming,” so there you have it. An interesting topic, and I bet we’ll hear more about it in the future. Hugs, Papabear Good afternoon (as of February 03, 2015). I am a young male of mixed Puerto-Rican/Azerbaijani heritage, with Sunni Moslem beliefs, studying at the university level. I discovered what is called the "furry fandom" on the Internet back in 2007, and my experiences have not always been positive. For now, I will not deal with the already-covered, more controversial aspects, but I have another question instead: Am I the only one who finds much of the costuming, artwork, and writing superficial and tacky? On any given day, I could visit DeviantArt or Tumblr, and be stunned at the appallingly low or gimmicky quality of most user submissions (granted, this is a general phenomenon of amateur content sites and social networks). Outdated sound bites, devoid of substance, by people with no clue as to what is good aesthetic taste. I have viewed online footage of AnthroCon, and I was not much impressed either. Like the fundamentalists of my faith (give or take however you want it), although bullying and intolerance of those who consider themselves "furry" is a sad reality, a few also seem to lack perspective on themselves and be incapable of taking any criticisms. These are the images of furry artwork I have seen so far:
And I could endlessly go on and on, but I would never finish. Maybe I am being too demanding and unrealistic, but I would like to see anthropomorphic animals explored from a deeper, more elegant and sophisticated, fine art perspective (I would actually pay to see such an exhibition!). Oh well, maybe I was quacking at the wrong door the whole time. I hope you could orient me a little. Thank you very much, may Allah be with you, and have a most excellent week. Joaquin Claro * * * Dear Joaquin Claro, Thank you for your question and kind words. I would agree with your statement toward the end of your letter that you are “being too demanding and unrealistic.” Expecting all the art (or even the majority of it) posted by furries on the Internet to somehow be top quality stuff worthy of display in a museum or art gallery exhibits a misunderstanding of the purpose of the fandom. That would be like expecting everyone who writes Trek or Lord of the Rings fanfic to win Hugo and Nebula Awards. Remember, these people are, for the most part, amateurs. As the word “amateur” denotes, they draw furries for the love of it, not because they are pros and want to make money or earn awards (although many appreciate kind feedback for their efforts); to my way of thinking, that is a very admirable reason. I, personally, always encourage people to express themselves artistically, whether that be in the visual arts, or in writing, music, dance, or whatever moves them. If you feel that much of their work is imitative or pedestrian, remember that many artists begin by emulating what inspires them and what they enjoy. Some will never move beyond that point, while others will eventually find their own artistic voice and become quite brilliant. I would object, too, to the implication here that all furry art is bad. There are a lot of very talented artists. I am constantly amazed by a lot of the art I see. You also mention costume arts (i.e., fursuits). This area is one I find particularly impressive. I’ve seen dazzling fursuits by a number of creators, including the talented woman who created mine, Beastcub. I’d list more great fursuit makers, but I’m afraid if I pick and choose I might hurt some feelings if I leave people out who are talented, as well. As for artists, again, there are some very gifted people out there, such as Dark Natasha and Blotch. Too many, in my opinion, to list here. If you are looking for the best furry art, one place you might start is the Ursa Major Awards page. Look through the pages of past winners and current nominations and you will find links to some great stuff. Most of the awards are for fiction and just a few for art, however; I keep hoping they’ll start an award for best fursuits, but I’m still waiting (anyfur also think this is a good idea?) I also think that there is no need for the UMAs to award movies, novels etc. from the mainstream world and that, instead, they should focus on arts created by the fandom (just my opinion). If you feel that the furry art world can be improved, there are a couple things you might do: 1) you can contribute art yourself if you’re an artist (not an artist? then maybe you should be less critical of something you can’t do yourself), 2) if you find certain websites gross, disturbing, banal, or otherwise inferior, stop going to those websites, and 3) encourage people you think are talented by commissioning works from them and giving them positive feedback on their websites and discussion groups. Artists gotta eat, too, ya know :-3 You apparently wouldn’t agree, but one of the things I find most attractive about the furry fandom is that it is contributed to by furries, rather than large, moneyed corporations (this is why I find going to a furcon more rewarding that ComicCon). Amateurs are, therefore, to be appreciated and hugged, not berated because they don’t have art hanging in the Louvre. Art, Claro, is in the eye of the beholder. To answer your question, there probably are other furries who feel as you do about the art in the fandom (many of them turn into trolls), but, when I think about it, I really don’t know what the purpose of your and others’ criticisms could be. Do you hope, by pointing out that you don’t like most furry art, that the artists will suddenly decide to do better because you have pointed out where they have gone wrong? Or do you hope that they will read your criticism, get discouraged, and stop drawing things you find inferior or offensive, and, thus, clear the way for more gifted artists? Neither is a very admirable goal. You note that many artists don't take criticism well. You might wish to consider how it is often true that furries have found themselves, for one reason or another, rejected by society, criticized by peers and family for what they love. Therefore, to be criticized further by fellow furries, the people they have turned to for support and camaraderie, tends to put them on the defensive. I could be missing the point, though, so if I am, please write again and let me know. I’m not trying to be harsh here; just trying to figure out your letter. Yours in Furriness, Papabear Dear Papabear,
First off, I just want to thank you for what you do. I discovered your site a couple of years ago and very much enjoyed reading through the questions people have sent and your thoroughly kind and thoughtful responses. I just randomly thought of you again recently and decided to write you a letter about an issue that’s come to the forefront of my mind lately. It’s a rather awkward issue and, since I’m a pretty reserved, private person, I don’t know anyone personally who I could talk to about it. I’ll try to keep things brief as I explain my problem (I have a tendency to ramble when writing about myself). I stumbled across the Furry fandom around the time I was starting middle school and immediately found the whole subculture fascinating, since I have always had in interest in anthropomorphic animals. But at around the same time, (the beginning of puberty) I began having these interests and sexual fantasies involving male cross-dressing and generally feminine males. I’ve only ever felt really attracted to females IRL, so I guess I’m sort of mildly bisexual. And, not to be pious, but my interests aren’t anything straight-up pornographic, mostly more romantic and intimate, somewhat risqué at worst. I’ve never been comfortable with pornography or anything hardcore; it’s just not my cup of tea. Now to be perfectly clear, I wouldn’t say that I find furry characters inherently sexually attractive, any more than I find anime-style art to be more attractive than real-life humans, but the majority of my sexual fantasies ended up involving furry characters anyways, and that, along with my understanding of the general public perception of furries, led me to keep both of these interests as private, shameful secrets. Being a relatively imaginative person, I ended up constructing whole fictional settings/worlds for these stories, branching out to subjects erotic and chaste, furry and human. Gradually these turned into written short stories (mostly the fantasies) and eventually I started trying my hand at serious drawing, beginning in late 2010. I’d never considered myself artistically talented before, and most of my early attempts were fairly terrible, but the arousal and personal satisfaction I got from transforming my ideas into a form of reality did a lot in helping me get over that initial awkward stage and start getting somewhat talented at art. But because arousal was the main reason I drew, most of what I made involved cross-dressing, so I was too embarrassed to show it to anyone. Over time, as I got more comfortable with drawing, I started showing some of my family members my non-furry, non-CD art, and got back some mildly positive responses. At around that time, I ‘came out’ as a furry (with much preparation and nervousness) to my younger sister, the person in my family I have the most in common with, and she was totally okay with it, even if she herself wasn’t interested being a furry. Since it’s never been a pressing issue, I never brought it up to the rest of my family or to any of my friends/acquaintances. Based on a few offhand remarks, my family’s awareness of the furry fandom is limited to “weird people who dress up like animals” or, in the case of my brother-in-law (and maybe my dad since he watches so many of those CSI-type crime shows) “Perverts who like to have sex dressed up as animals”. But lately I’ve been making even bigger improvements in my art abilities, drawing on a daily basis, and getting to the point where I feel like I could gain a lot of admiration and even be able to make a living if I put my art online and. did commissions. Making a webcomic is something else I’ve been hoping to do for quite a while, and I’ve spent more time recently doing some solid character, setting, and plot development. This is all floating around in my head lately since, with my 20th birthday in a few months, I’m reaching the point in my life where I really need to stop hoping and imagining and wishing for things that could happen and actually start doing them. I’ve been working part-time for about a year and a half, and taking classes part-time at my local community college for even longer (I started in high school with a dual-credit program) and now I’m only a couple of classes away from getting my Associate’s degree. My parents (who I still live with) want me to continue my education and get a Bachelor’s in a general business degree, (something I have already done a few electives for) but I’m having doubts about it. I’ve never really felt comfortable or excelled in the academic environment and I’m not exactly looking forward to taking 20-odd classes with names like “Basic Marketing Principles” and “Workplace Leadership”. I took a college-level art class once a couple of years ago, but I had trouble with the assignments and ultimately dropped out of it. I don’t really want to, or feel like I need to, get an art degree. I understand the benefits, but I just don’t think it’s necessary for me. As for my current low-paying employment at a grocery store, the work itself is fine, but there isn’t really any room for promotion aside from being a manager, and I just don’t see myself as having a ‘managerial’ personality, and I don’t really connect with anyone in my small group of co-workers, mainly since they come from a very different background than me, and a fair few are immigrants don’t speak English very well. There are some nice people, but not really anything more than work-friends. I understand having a career as an independent artist is a bit of a long-shot and not nearly as secure as an office job, and I don’t have a problem with having a “day job” that pays more than $10 an hour (unlike my current job) to support myself until (if ever) my dreams become a reality, but I just don’t know if I can make myself sit in all of those classes and pretend to be interested in something I’m not for a couple more years just to scrape by and get a potentially pointless degree. I really don’t have an excuse for not already doing what I want to with my life, other than that I’ve always had trouble making myself do difficult things someone else doesn’t expect or require me to do, and well, what I want to do is something that no one has ever told me I should do. After quite a bit of thought, I’ve come to a three-option fork in the road, and thus, my dilemma. See, for all my love of drawing, a large part of what I like drawing the most is still cross-dressing focused stuff, and I am still very hesitant about revealing that aspect of myself to others. Option 1: I don’t tell anyone I know about my art, I just start posting whatever I’m inspired to draw online. The good part of this option is that I’m totally free to just be myself and not self-censor my creative flow. The bad part is that it means I either can’t show my family what I make and love to do, or I do show them and let them, well, know that I’m interested in that sort of thing. I can understand coming out as gay or transsexual, but you don’t really need to ‘come out’ as enjoying a particular sexual kink. That’s not the kind of thing you should just go shoving in people’s faces. Also, I might feel uncomfortable about meeting people IRL at conventions and whatnot who aware of that element of my personality. And sure, I might be able to get commissions from like-minded people of cross-dressing related art, but I feel like my other art and webcomics and whatnot would be ‘tainted’ for some people by the association of my personal ‘interests’. Option 2: I start showing my art online, but not any of my cross-dressing related stuff. This option has the benefit of me being able to tell people I know about it, and not experiencing any form of guilt about it, but at the cost of self-censoring my creativity, which would make it more difficult for me to ‘give my all’ in the art I make. It’s not that I only like drawing CD stuff, it’s just that my ‘muse’, as it were, gives me more fuel to make the best art I can when I have a *ahem* vested interest in the subject matter. Option 3: This is a combination of the other two: I have one account where I post all of my regular stuff on a place like Deviant Art, and another account on a different art site where I keep all of my CD-related stuff. That way, no one would have to see what they don’t want to. But I don’t think I would be able to keep them so separate that people couldn’t put two-and-two together and catch me with my metaphorical pants down. If so, that might be even worse than the first option where I’m open about everything, since it would make me look like a two-faced hypocrite. I just… I feel like my life has been stuck in a rut for a long time, and I have no good reason to be. I have a car, plenty of money (I’ve been saving practically all of what I’ve earned from my job), and seem to be an intelligent, creative person. I mean heck, I live pretty close to a good-sized furry convention (like, less than a half hour’s drive) and I’ve never been. I’m a lurker on all of the websites I frequent, and I’ve grown apart from the people I was friends with in middle and high school, so I’m basically friendless now, and I have difficulty interacting with people I don’t know well, even online. I hardly leave the house anymore for a non-work non-school reason, and when I do, it’s with members of my immediate family. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being afraid to be myself, but at the same time, I have no idea how to get out of this rut and start doing things and meeting people and not just being comfortable with mediocrity anymore. I know my parents want what’s best for me and to support me, and I love my family immensely. This is part of the reason why these thoughts are troubling me. I want to be able to share my life with them, not just run off and do my own thing entirely, or put on a mask every time I see or talk to them. So, to take all of this and try to condense it into an answerable question, “How should I handle my personal sexual interest in relation to my overall artistic ambitions”, or more broadly, “What am I gonna do with my life?!” Thanks for taking the time to read through all of this, and I hope to be hearing from you soon. –The Invisible Artist (age 19) * * * Hi, Invisible. Wow, this is a lot of questions, actually. My general policy is to answer one per letter. Basically, I guess one could summarize it as: what should I do with my life? And so I will try to respond at this more fundamental level. At 19 you’re going through a major transitional phase in your life between cubhood and adulthood. No breaking news there. But it is a chapter that many people make the mistake of allowing others to write. Often, it is the parents who write it; at other times, it is peers; sometimes, it is just circumstances in life. I’ll give you a case in point: my sister was pressured by our dad to major in business at the University of Michigan (kind of like your parents wanting you to take business courses). She hated it so much, but for three and a half years she did what Dad wanted. Finally, just a few courses short of a bachelor’s degree from a prestigious university, she couldn’t take it anymore. One night, we got a telegram (I was still living at home with my parents, as I was still in high school); all it said was she was okay but that she was leaving. She quit school and disappeared for months (although she did call a couple times). She spent a couple years working odd jobs, but eventually went back to school and got a Ph.D. in a subject she actually liked: biology. Now she is a tenured professor. The point is that she decided to do what she wanted to do, and, although it was a huge struggle, she eventually achieved her goal and is so much more happy than if she had listened to Dad. But, because she had listened to him for so long, she really wasted years of her life that could have been better spent working toward her biology degree. Oh, and she also came out as a lesbian and is now happily married to a doctor. What you are seeking, fundamentally, is happiness, no? And you won’t find it by doing things to please your parents or to please furries online or to please your bosses. I can’t tell you what you want to do, but what you need is to really figure out what your passion in life is. Finding a passion is not easy, and many people live out their lives without discovering it. The lucky ones not only find their passion but live it. Happy is the person whose job is his passion for he will never work a day in his life. On the complementary issue: your sexual interests and how they influence your work. Unless sex is your job (i.e., you work in the profession), I wouldn’t advise mixing them together. From what I’ve seen in the art world, if you wish to be a successful artist, you really won’t become one by just drawing porn—even soft porn, and especially not furry porn. I agree that you don’t necessarily need an art degree (many great artists are self-taught, and many artists with degrees end up working at White Castle). If you want to make a living at it, you will need to work hard at improving and marketing your work. Same is true if you wish to be an author. I’ve been down that particular road, and it is extremely difficult. The key to both is—and you might hate me for saying this—learning the ropes of business, marketing, and public relations. The most successful artists excel at marketing themselves. Therefore (ouch), you might actually learn a lot of valuable skills by taking business courses (how’d we get to this point, eh?) You’re now, like, wait a minute, but you said about your sister...? That’s different. A biology professor has no need to market herself to succeed. If you go into the arts, you will definitely benefit from those skills. My conclusion for you, then, is to go to business school with the intention of learning how to market yourself as an artist. In other words, don’t do it because your parents said so, do it because it will help you get what you want (this is all assuming you want to pursue the arts). Specialize, for example, in how to market and do PR in the entertainment industry. I know a couple people who specialized in organizing and promoting conventions (not furry ones, although furcon organizers could certainly learn from people who organize, say, auto shows) and entertainment acts and they are now quite amazingly wealthy. Meanwhile, keep your sexual interests to yourself, where they should be. Your sexuality is a private matter and should be kept separate from your career goals. Concerning this: examine deeply why you wish to post soft porn furry art on the Internet. Are you doing it because you want an art career (buzz! wrong! see above!), or are you doing it for validation, the deep-seated urge to be recognized? If the latter, then keep that to the side, an avocation rather than a vocation. Wishing you luck, Papabear Hello, Papabear, it's me again.
For these last 2 weeks I been feeling very upset about something in the furry fandom. I feel like the artwork in the fandom can overshadow everything else in the fandom, like writing. Now I’m not really mad at artists, but it really burns me up when furs go look at a nude wolf rather than read a good furry story. I know I’m barking at something that can't be changed but ... how can us furry writers compete with furry art? Werehog the Werewolf * * * Dear Werehog, You’re correct that furry art gets a lot of attention in the fandom (after the art, it’s probably fursuits), but don’t write off authors yet (pun intended)! Furry writing is very important! Heck, the modern furry fandom began because of sci-fi writers who told stories about anthros. And you couldn’t have furry comic books or furry novels without writers. Good writing is important. There are few things worse than a comic by a good artist who also tries to write it him/herself but has no skill with the pen. Furry writing is also the only one of what I call the three main furry arts—drawing, fursuiting, and writing—that crosses over to the mainstream. Many novels that nonfurries read that belong to the science fiction and fantasy genres include furry (anthro) characters. So writers are really the main artistic connection between the fandom and the mundane world. What does this mean? Well, for one thing, it means that writers stand a better chance of making money in the mundane world than do fursuiters or artists, so you can put that in your pipe and smoke it. Yeah, the art (usually the porn art; do note that there are a lot of furry porn stories, too, please) gets much of the attention, but there is a huge community of furry writers out there from whom you can learn and get support (good example is the Furry Writers Guild). And there are also lots of furry boards out there where writers contribute stories and evaluate each others work. In addition, I don’t know of any furry art awards (other than at furcons), or for fursuit design or performance, but I know of at least two awards for furry writers: the Ursa Major Awards and the recently initiated Cóyotl Awards. (Actually, the Ursa Major Awards do have a category for published illustration, but the emphasis is really on furry fiction in novels, comics, graphic story [combo of art and lit, but story and character are the main consideration there] etc.) So, you’re actually incorrect when you say that writers don’t get recognition in the fandom. They do. Check out the guild and go from there. Hugs, Papabear Hello, Papa Bear. I'm impressed that someone from this subculture has taken up such a supportive role in the community. My question is one of public display of our art, and of my own appearance. Firstly, in the legality of the matter, and secondly, one of tact. Firstly, I carry a notebook with print-outs of art from certain furry artists I'm fond of, in the covers. These are not commissions, just works I've liked that I display on printer or photo paper. Call it a bit of security blanket. While I'm not distributing these images, or doing anything deliberately criminal, I'm a little nervous about representing myself as a furry with other people's art. However, I have a bad past with art, and never learned to draw, myself. I'm not trying to be an art thief, and I understand that's a problem in the community. Is what I'm doing ... okay? Secondly, I am experimenting in theater makeup, and am deliberating on a drag-analogy to fursuiting (latex prosthetics/makeup, with regular human clothing). My question, if you can answer, would be; is this something I can do on a casual basis, without repercussions from school authority, for being disruptive? What about wearing such disguises in a public place (Wal-Mart, Gas Stations, Drive-Thru's, etc.)? KimonoBoxFox (age 27, North Carolina) * * * Hi, Kimono, Please note that I do ask people to limit their letters to one question. However, I’ll make this fairly brief to save time. First answer: It’s fine what you’re doing with the art. As long as you’re not representing the art as your own, and as long as you are not selling it or otherwise profiting from it, you’re okay legally. Even better if you make sure the artists’ names are clearly seen on the art. So, don’t worry about it. But, if you really wish to ease your mind, write to the artists and ask if it’s okay. They’ll probably say it is, given the circumstances, and it is very common for furries to print out art by their favorite artists, or to display it on their computers. Second answer: You would have to check with your school about dress codes, but I highly doubt such fashion would be smiled upon by your school administrators. As for other public places, especially given that you’re in North Carolina, a rather conservative part of the country, I would be careful. It wouldn’t be illegal (as long as your face is not covered), but I think you would get a lot of disapproving looks; you might even get beat up. Although, not sure about Walmart, since I’ve seen pictures of some awfully funky outfits there. Try Walmart first LOL. But, seriously, in your state of North Carolina, anti-mask laws were developed as a reaction to the KKK. However, they are still on the books and have been used in other cases. The laws state: §14-12.7. Wearing of masks, hoods, etc., on public ways. So be cautious in this area. And, again, you get a lot of derps out there just looking for an excuse to beat up people who are “different,” so don’t set yourself up for such a possibility unless you are well-prepared to defend yourself.
Hugs, Papabear Hey Papa Bear,
I am a freelance cartoon artist looking to get my name out there so I can start getting professional jobs. I have been a commissioned artist for many years and have recently Been submitting art pieces to various Furry convention books. I have also decided to start attending various conventions. Do you know any magazines or something looking for character designers or contributors? Sincerely, Maw or DM * * * Hi, Maw, You’re going about it the wrong way. If one is serious about becoming an illustrator, one doesn’t concern himself with getting his name “out there.” That does you no good. Go straight for the jugular, my friend, and start making professional contacts as soon as possible. My suggestion would be for your to go to the Wikifur website and search for furry publishers. There are a few out there, such as Radio Comix and Mu Press that might be worth contacting. Next, write a query letter to their editors stating your experience and ambitions, and include samples of your work. Ask if they have any authors who might need illustrators to partner with. Publishers usually are not looking for character designers so much as they are seeking reliable (i.e., business-like and professional) illustrators for books and comics. If you are open to other opportunities outside the fandom, you might consider giving a look at the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. Illustrating children’s books can be a very rewarding profession. A professional organization such as the SCBWI can be a great boon to any budding illustrator. As an alternative, you might also try http://www.childrensillustrators.com/. I’ve seen too many talented artists go nowhere because they feel the only game in town for them, because they are furry, is the fandom. A good illustrator is a good illustrator. If you wish to make a living doing what you love, do not limit yourself. And get your mind out of the idealistic world of “I am an artiste!” and treat this as a business because that’s what being a professional means. Good luck! Papabear |
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